I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize