I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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