I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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