I can text with my tongue
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
