hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
