Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
