Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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