I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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