Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
