Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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