so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
