this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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