My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
