trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
