please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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