i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
