That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize