Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
