I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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