I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
