Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
