I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I understand Curling. That high.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
