y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize