i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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