Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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