omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize