Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
