New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
