brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
