So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
