i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
