My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize