We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It's never too late to be topless.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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