Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
organizing the empties. That sober.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
