I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
