So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
