Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
