So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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