I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize