fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
