no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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