I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize