So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Green mimosas i think yes
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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