you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
