Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
