i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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