my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you traded sex for a burrito?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
