i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
My balls are so social today.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
