I showed him my bush... on skype.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Randomize
