would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
