I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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