I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
