wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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