Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
organizing the empties. That sober.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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