were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
