I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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