god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize