i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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