My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
