He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
