Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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