Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
don't judge my taste in strippers
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
