Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
