bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
