Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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