Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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