Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
ok first of all what the fuck
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