I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
