there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
