You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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