u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
