Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
