Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
