probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
