Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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